My body is moving but my mind, heart and soul are stuck. Complete emotional lock down. A solemn cycle of the same emotions. Repeated. Fresh. And unable to shake it off. I absent-mindedly scroll through FB and IG and am stung with envy~ you're all living life as if nothing happened. Because nothing did. At least not to you. You're all functioning, which is something I'm not doing and don't know when I will. Everything seems abnormal to me because my brother is gone. Brushing my teeth, driving my car, holding Mia's hand...is all indescribably painful. Because I know Charley won't do these things, because I know I can't call him to tell him what I've done with my day, because Charley no longer lives in this life with me. It's as though I'm walking around without an arm or a leg. I've lost an extremely important limb. It was once there and now it's not. Phantom pains.
But you know what brings me comfort? That he's no longer in pain. He's in a happy place. He's left quite an impressive legacy and countless achievements we can all look to and aspire to be. My life has changed. And I truly look forward to the positive outcomes so that I can thank my brother for continually playing such a vital role in my life.
But you know what brings me comfort? That he's no longer in pain. He's in a happy place. He's left quite an impressive legacy and countless achievements we can all look to and aspire to be. My life has changed. And I truly look forward to the positive outcomes so that I can thank my brother for continually playing such a vital role in my life.
Take a look at this picture of me and Mia today at the beach. Look at the heart shaped cloud. HE is always with me.
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