It's a cliche, but it's so true: no words can describe the turmoil and loss my family and I are enduring. It's a deep pain that robs your soul of oxygen and yanks the cord of your very worst fear. The loss of someone you think you can't live without is very real. It happens. And when it does, you are literally beside yourself. Hunger is nonexistent as is sleep and logic.
Charley and I were connected by mind and heart and soul and most importantly, by a love most people are never fortunate and blessed to have. We knew this of each other and often discussed how grateful we were to have the other as a constant. I was his rock until the end. And I am his rock, still~ carrying his energy and faith as i struggle to comprehend that he is not returning the last calls I made to him. I am personally experiencing characteristics I never knew I had. I'm weak and unafraid to admit it. Even when this is a time for strength, it's a suffocation I'm tortured with every second. And the battle of "this is a waking nightmare" vs "you've got to get it together for Mia" will improve with time...
And I will say this~ I have become obsessed with postings and pictures on both Instagram and Facebook. I have become the person sitting idly, scrolling and scrolling in search of all words and dedications to and for my brother. And this act alone is providing me with a strength that stems from you all. Thank you ALL for your constant support and frequent insights into your the moments and memories you created and shared with Charley. They will live on. He is gone but his wide-dimpled smile, perfectly aligned white teeth and the bright glints in his eyes are permanently engraved into all of us. He is clearly loved and respected by so many and adored by so many more. Even now, he is uniting us all under his umbrella of hope and unconditional love. Embrace him.
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