Reach Out And Connect

We all live lives that we either expected to have or imagined it would be a bit different. What we don't expect are the number of connections we make with other forces of nature such as ourselves.
The childhood friend we hold close to our hearts like the first infatuation of our teen years. Or the colleague we met in our early career that not only changed your day, but also changed your life. How about the passerby who smiled at you and exchanged a few words that have moved with you as you move through your day. Life is lived as a series of time, where it begins the moment you wake up with the one thought that follows you from teeth to pajamas, and is marked as another 24 hours of whatever "yesterday" may have been.
But how do we get to today? How much have we gone through to get to this exact moment? Losing my brother still dumbfounds me, as I expect it will for quite a significant number of years. I drive around in my car and gaze out the massive front-view mirror wondering, How the fuck am I living without Charley? How the fuck did we get here? I shake my head as if to shake off the fact that still stands true. I look up at the sky wondering if he looked up at the same sky that reflected a sadder shade of blue. I wish upon city stars that I never see and talk to a moon that doesn't smile nor tell a story of a cow jumping over it. And I realize that unfortunately, to my pain and denial, my brother is gone and never returning. No matter what I do, my love cannot bring him back to life.

Here's the thing though, he touched lives- this is true and factual. He impacted hundreds of lives, and it's proven by the numerous number of loving messages and sincere gratitude my family has received. These gestures have personally impacted me with such concrete force that I am actively striving to change for myself first and for others secondly. I admit, that like all people, I have character flaws and make mistakes but I won't apologize for who I am and what I stand for. I don't compromise my values to accommodate others unless it's for a greater cause. Call me stubborn (because I can be), but I will fight for my family and my brother's legacy. Think about it...when you weigh your "I wish i weren't so..." against all the qualities you are, don't you truly believe that the pros outweigh the cons? I do. I believe they do. I'm not a complete mess, despite my setbacks and devastations. And I believe this as a fact for everyone else. Again, I believe that beneath tough exteriors and laughter or ignorance and cruel intentions, there is a soul that deserves all the love and acceptance in existence. I stress the importance of this theory because I'm hopeful and have faith. I hope to someday live a life that is peaceful most of the time and positively challenging at others. That while others intentionally take another down to justify their feelings, I speak truths. And faith will drive me to the point I seek and the truth my brother is. I'm inspired daily to live lovingly and unconditionally. And if you don't live this way, I hope to pass you by on the street so that you may experience my smile and feel a fragment of my hope. Believe that I believe in you. I DO.