Invincible Me

I've only ever come close to feeling invincible listening to my brother's life and fire service experiences. Until yesterday...

In December of 2012, my brother and two of his best friends competed in the Spartan Race which is a 15+ grueling obstacle course of intense difficulty, endurance, stamina and the strength to push your limits. He loved it. He absolutely loved the experience and the drive it added to his already overflow of life. In fact, he gabbed about it so much that I was looking forward to signing up for the January 2014 competition.
Competition day ran up on me so quickly that I only had time to properly train for a couple of months. Never once did I develop a single doubt or reservation, for I knew the intent of the challenge (at this point) is to experience my brother. My will is to be connected and explore the ground I know he dominates so effortlessly. And so game day came with a four-man "Team Carlos" in full-force and with well-lit hearts. We pinned our bib numbers to our shirts, stretched all tension and heavy weight from our limbs and Hoo-rah! went the starting line. Like the stampede of cattle, we collectively raged over four miles of gut and focus. Sneakers to the mud, I felt like I was floating on an air I have never inhaled.

Come on, Charley, let's go bro! chanted in my mind as I rolled my body parallel to gravel, water, safety pins, divots and beneath barbed wire. Gasp! went my lungs but Go! screamed by heart. I looked to my left and saw my brother gliding with the look of an athlete gone happy. He's breathing deep breaths...in through the nose, through the diaphragm and out through the mouth. I pushed and never once did I feel like I wanted to surrender to defeat and call it quits. In fact, I was driven by Charley's own spirit and my connection to his soul. Scaling walls, rolling tractor tires, carrying 25-pound sand bags on my shoulders, hiking up a steep mountain, pulling a 70-pound concrete slab tied to a chain, trenching through 4-foot deep pools of mud, a bone-cold lake, military crawls under walls, climbing inverted walls, muddy slopes, and finally...fire.

Jumping over fire. THAT was my line of sight. I felt my heart surge with excitement and searched my peripheral for Charley. He held my hand and whispered, "This is it, Yolie!". I jumped and when I did, my soul temporarily freed itself from pain. In a slow-motion like move, I hovered over the heat and spoke to my brother. Ahhh, so this is what you felt. Amazing! I feel you. You're here. In near tears, I came down to Earth and ran into the victorious embrace of the finish line. My eyes darted in search of my mom and there she was- smiling brighter than I've seen in over four months. Her features softened and her eyes glittered with a look of pride, a broken heart, speechlessness and achievement for her son. In that powerful moment she could see my brother in me...crossing the finish line once again and celebrating a life that openly achieved greatness in everything he is. I felt invincible for myself, for him, and finally for my parents. THIS is love. Pumped up with adrenaline, I blew kisses to my mom and fought back the tears to cry. No crying today. Today, I celebrate you, Charley.