One of the most important gestures in life is one's ability to show up.
I am blown away by people in my life who show up time and time again. I often wonder when they'll stop calling, or wanting to spend time with me, or stop sending me random messages of or even wonder when they'll generally stop caring about me. But they don't stop and they show up just because or show up for the moments in my life that are important to me.
My brother was really good about showing up. He showed up for all my life's stepping stones, for the times a boy broke my heart and made me cry, for the friends who weren't friends at all, for casual conversations and spiritual sidebars, and he never really had to "show up" because he was always there. As present as he was in my life, I never expected him to "be there" because I always knew he'd be right where he felt he wanted to be and never needed to be. My brother, as most thicker-than-blood relationships are, is my soul mate. I even noted in his eulogy that he is the guy whom you could always count on. Ask, and he'd say yes. Ever in awe, I also wondered when he'd stop being so wonderful to me and feared that I never reciprocated to the extent he did for me. I always felt sheepishly ashamed that I didn't openly declare my love for him as hard as I should or felt spoiled by the depth of his admiration for me.
I recall a rainy day when he called me to tell me that he'd taken an old weight lifting set to a metal scrap yard because it'd been sitting in his garage for quite some time. He had the flu, was feverish and coughing on the other end of the phone. When I thanked him for the intense labor he invested and doing so while sick, he replied, "I did it because it's important to you". I immediately felt guilty for not having done it myself and fortunate that I have someone who loves me so. This paradox is a blessing I carry in my mind everyday; I'm fearful of never exchanging this love in this lifetime and I'm fearful of having to wait the rest of my life to reunite with my brother.
For him, and for so many countless reasons, people matter as do relationships. Yes, your character should be impactful, yes the energy you instill into this world should be embraced, yes, meaningful purpose should be what drives everyone, and yes, without people, nothing would matter. The 9 to 5 working hours, the products you spend money on, the sips of alcohol you take, the car you drive, etc. are all meaningless without someones to share with. We need people more than we need anything else. We are designed and created to exchange and engage. To live and prosper our lives with. To experience the good and bad, the sickness and health with one another. And let me tell you, it's not time that heals, but it's people and moments; moments that define what matters and people who encourage life. Without people, we are solitary. And in solitude is when we discover the deepest parts of importance by self definition and nothing else. People are capable of everything and anything. All people may heal even if healing takes a lifetime.
I asked my daughter this morning who loves her. She answered very innocent-like, "Mommy and Daddy!' Yes, this is true but "the person who loves you the most is YOU". I don't expect her to completely understand, but she does love herself and doesn't entirely know it. A three-year-old loves herself....I believe we can channel her exuberance and love ourselves as purely as she exemplifies.
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