Man. My brother dressed up for 5K's and competitions and beer fests or just for fun. He was that guy. He was the life of the party. The guy who would get the dance floor started. The one who would create fun out of nothing but laughter and jokes and good-spirited people. He was da man.
This Halloween, as I lagged behind in getting Mia her costume, I came across his would-be costume for this year---he was going to be Gambit from XMen. (sigh). I found it unsealed amongst his previous costumes of a monkey, a pirate, a onesie, a 70's get up, Zorro...and I cried. Just cried. It's what I so often do. Don't even ask why my eyes are swollen. That's a given. So I thought of the best way to represent Charley by channeling his inner-most Mia.
Mia would be a mini Firefighter with a tutu. I hit the second hand store and pieced it together myself. Used hot glue, glitter, and the drive to get it right. To make Charley proud. She was the cutest Firefighter I've ever seen. And it warmed me to think Charley was walking with us while she collected candy and later crashed from a sugar high.
Just as people wear masks for Halloween and dress up as someone they aren't ordinarily dressed as, I couldn't help but think of all the crap people have speculated. YES, CARLOS IS ALL THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE HE IS! No, he wasn't depressed and keeping it from his family. No, he isn't someone who sold himself to be someone he isn't. No, he wasn't false advertisement.
He is positive, upbeat, happy, loving, respectful, giving, honest. So yes, it's shock. I can't go around policing his circles and protesting his life. Don't judge him by the way he died, remember him for the way he so joyfully lived his life. His death does not define him, damnit. His unconditional love does. So for all of you who experienced him in all his element, you are blessed and fortunate.
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