It's not easy nor will it ever be. But I do have moments when I can exhale and it doesn't hurt as much. The last time I hiked Runyon was with my brother on a hot and Windex clear day like today. Air is hot and thick but the breeze is cool and still- much like my state of mind sitting and staring off hoping to see Charley come around the bend. Being with his buddies helps. I feel closer to him. Pretending I'm really him joking and shooting the shit. I'm as strong as I can and need to be. I'm exactly where I should be. No shield. No frontin'. Just reaching for any assurance and tangibility of my selfless brother, Charley.
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