Line of Fire Engines

Even A Hero Can Feel Helpless

Yes, there was a long line of fire engines as my family and I drove Charley through his home of Hermosa Beach for the last time. It was the hearst, our two family cars and a plethora of fire engines from a dozen or so fire stations: Hermosa, Manhattan, Redondo, Torrance, Vernon, Santa Monica, etc. I looked back at the love following my brother down Hermosa Ave. to his station. We got out of the cars while the hearst drove into the station. My four inch heels made a slow click clack into the station to watch my brother in his element for the last time. I made eye contact with every individual who stood against the wall. Another line. Remorseful eyes. Cloudy eyes. Hurting eyes.
Dispatch called my brother:
"Last alarm for Carlos Lopez. Last call for service for Carlos Lopez".

I heard the struggle of muffled cries behind me. I envisioned my brother coming downstairs, jumping into his boots, and swinging his turnouts on. He climbs into Rescue Engine 11 as the engine turns on and the sirens shout his name. Charley and the hearst follow. And my knees tremble.
I dragged my exhausted body and heart back into the car to follow my brother to the church where he had just been three weeks earlier. Attendance was massive. The church was filled past the vast double doors and people spilled out of it. Over 500 PEOPLE mourned my brother that day. All I could do was focus on Charley. I couldn't even see Mia. I couldn't even feel her in my arms. My family was in a zombie-like state. The honor guards presented my mom with a folded flag and my brother's badge in a shadow box. The chief walked it over and that's when my mom broke. That was the moment she felt it. Bagpipe player begins his solemn melody and we walk out and make our way to his final resting place.

 

I can't tell you what happened at the cemetery. I didn't see anyone, still. I do remember now, that I gracefully walked over to my brother's casket, knelt down and placed my head and arms around him and sang "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray...you'll never know Charley, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...".

He told me once that as kids, he'd walk into our room and I'd be sitting singing that song to my dolls..and ultimately him. And ultimately him.