The New Year is a couple days away. Good ole 2014. A new year that is commercialized into making society believe that with the new year comes new lives, new change, new decisions, new resolutions. The truth of the matter is that the new year is really just tomorrow. It really is a new day. Today folds into tomorrow and yesterday becomes today. And honestly, all that changes is your attitude about life and the situation you wish to change. My brother faithfully believed in the Serenity Prayer which reads:
It wasn't until my later adult years that I learned to let the things out of my control, to roll off. As feisty and controlling as I can be, lol, I have learned. This is called humility. Humility opens a willowy window in your heart and releases some of the pride into a landscape of fearlessness and hope. It encourages you to have a clear perspective while respecting another or another's situation. And then you're humble. You're humbled by experiences that teach you a lesson you otherwise wouldn't have known had it not been for humility.
As much as I may preach words of encouragement, it's a nasty challenge for to change my attitude and embrace what is now; a life without Charley. I can't do it. I can't admit that he is gone from this living life and quietly present with me as I struggle throughout the days and plea that this life, is not real. I cannot control what life is channeling down the pipeline for me, but I can control how I live my life. And truthfully, I look forward to dying- fantasize about it sometimes. As morbid as it sounds, it brings me peace. I equate peace with Charley. Peace is where Charley resides. Peace is the overwhelming sensation of serenity and calm, much like the senses my eyes and ears will envelope. Peace is feeling my brother in my life, and not just in my heart and head. Peace isn't just a place you seek, it's a tangible spirit within all of us.
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